It all started with a bad day.
You know those days where it all just builds up and eventually the dam breaks and you’re uncontrollably spewing your thoughts? Suddenly the walls are drenched in the graffiti of your emotions. And if you’re in it deep enough, you begin hearing truths that you weren’t even conscious of. It might be devastating. Or therapeutic. On my bad day, one of my truths pooled in front of me: the fear of not being successful as an artist or creator. And that my dreams could dissipate before my eyes and not leave a trace behind. It was a very bleak confession.
Shortly after, I was sent this TED Talk: “What I Learned from 100 Days of Rejection” by Jia Jiang. Prior to the video, I had never heard the name. Or his experiment. I watched the clip from the corner of my eye while flipping eggs on the frying pan. Jiang shared ways in which he tried to normalize his own fear of rejection and the risks that he took to achieve it. And then one of those angelic-light-from-heaven-shining-on-me-illuminating-the-kitchen moments happened (sort of). I realized that my obstacle was me. *shudder* That I am immensely afraid of rejection.
I don’t think this is exclusive to me whatsoever. There’s high probability that you also feel this on some level. Maybe your rejection fear relates to work or a partner or a hobby (but, don’t overthink it too much). I’ve had opportunities, applications, and emails that were never sent because I was held hostage by the word “no”. I put the “no” in the mouths of others before I even asked the question. In doing so, I also said “no” to myself.
While viewing this TED Talk in my ethereal moment, ideas began flooding of how I could conquer this fear of rejection. These were specific actions and tasks to put me at the mercy of rejection. Or, maybe acceptance. All of them were “Steve-centric” and were tied to art, writing, and hobbies as well (and before you ask, yes there are some coffee related challenges). Some of them place me in the midst of my greatest fears and anxieties and wait for a response of “yes” or “no”. To delve even further into the depths of discomfort, I’ve committed to create a video journal of each personal challenge. I don’t promise anything polished- just the truth.
The benefit of this 30 day challenge is that there is no loss in the outcome:
If I am rejected, I have achieved the goal of sitting with that feeling and deciding how to overcome it. Even when it’s uncomfortable and gutting.
If I am accepted… brilliant! Acceptance will bear witness that good things are possible. And that it won’t always be a “no”. And that a “yes” might be more within reach than I realize.
♡
P.S. I’m open to suggestions for a theme song or maybe a few to add onto a playlist. But this one is a placeholder for now:
